Sup...No...Back to a new beginning?....OH maybe...THIS IS THE START OF SOMETHING NEW!!! -Sings that part out-

As life give me lemons, I pick a laptop and begin to write. (Not gona lie, I picked up the pen and paper like days ago)

How many times in this hera filled life and I going to fall? I fell on my face in the bathroom, well it was the side of my face, then I fell on the floor. Then got back to tio and tias house and I fell taking out wet cloths from the machine and last time I fell Trying To Get To My Wheelchair. That is 4 times, if you count the face fall....4 TIMES in less than a month. I got lemons....

-Rants about fucking Man Child; Pants, Language, Whining, and other S#!7 about him- But yea, more lemons.

Oh this sleep thing is not cute, One moment I am fine, that next moment and I am closing my eyes holding down the same letter; Its not cute. MORE LEMONS!

But with lemons you have the sweet: I am getting to see my family, got a new laptop, getting a new walker that I use here, getting to see the little babies that are around, getting to interact with people and doing some things on my own. BOOM MINI POPPYSEED MUFFINS!!!

LATERS!!!

Thoughts of a 32 year old going to Adult day care.

So I am nervous, ever since I became disabled thoughts of just ending my life, have come to mind over and over again. I feel like am always in pain, or I am so sleepy, that the day goes WAY to fast (I really dislike that part). So with lots of research and (in my mind) bugging people on the phone and on the Internet. I have found an adult day care; that has knitting. Yes, they have other events and such but knitting is what sold me.

So last night, I went to bed, not early, don't ask me why but I went to bed. I woke up at 4 am and was like okay, half an hour and we will get things moving. I could not wait for the half-hour. My whole body was AWAKE! I wish my legs were able to move and such but I can feel that every nerve that needed to wake up 2 years ago, was waking up. My upper legs tingled, my tummy area was like O_O I HAVE AWOKEN but no we are not hungry...calm down. Anyways after my internal electrocution. I went to take a shower and now I am presentable; with my marvel shirt, big enough for two people (It to hide my tummy, I am super conscious about it); jeans and my moon boots. My hair had two white scrunchies, in which I used for my two pigtails.

Okay to answer your question about the moon boots. I can't feel a lot with my two legs and since I am in a wheelchair, I have no use for shoes. So to keep comfortable, I use my moon boots. If society says to wear shoes, I am going to go out in style! Moon boots it is. Oh, I also have robot ones too but they are big and out there....I was told that it's embarrassing to be seen with me, with them on. Anyways my moon boots are comfy and since I have some feelings under my feet, they provide a cushion from the metal footplate on my chair.

I am so nervous. My whole body is jittery but since I am writing, I am calming down, some. I am not in pain and also I am listening to Spanish music, NO! NOT REGETTON but the other kind which is love music; music that says I created a holiday of the day you left you and I will party like no tomorrow; also others of how I love and I will also celebrate our love; and ofcourse I wanna sex you up but with an upbeat tone. I love Spanish music.

I still have time before I leave. I even smell like an apple; I feel cute and I am happy with that. I guess this is done, so I am going to loom or crochet my scarfs. LATERS! 

Question one

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

In the book I wrote my perfect day, I guess I really did not understand the question. My perfect day would include a full day of activities, which would include food, all the way to the night. Since we are doing all Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, I would like to have dinner at a very cool restaurant. We would all eat family style and then have our own desserts. And that would be my perfect day.

My idea of perfect happiness...never really thought of an idea of perfect happiness. Now that I think about it, when everything is perfect and going well, I always wait for the other shoe to fall off. Always. It's like a refect I have. I believe it stems for when I was a child and I would hang with my mama. I don't know something we did that day and my mom would show me her hand. That was the sign that I was gonna get it. When we got home, she would hit me with a wooden spoon. I know it was not all the time but it just stayed in my mind.  

So my idea of happiness, well right now would be standing up from my wheelchair and walking around. Feeling no pain throughout my body and stretching super out, so out that I can touch the top of my bed to the bottom of my bed and the corners. I want the pamper hair and color its some galaxy colors; Also and my nails would not miss the action. That is my idea of happiness at the moment. It sucks being in a wheelchair and having to rely on people for everything. It makes me want to scream. And don't get me started about, that stretching part; The only stretching now a day I get is when my body spasm and it, not a cute feeling. 

Does that sound selfish of me that I made it all about me and no one else? Don't me wrong, I am most happy when I am with family and we are all together laughing, having fun. But right now, I just want to think of me mostly. 

#3000Questions

The start of Year 2.

Name: jUL137 
Age: 31
Time: 12:38 am
Date: December 25 2018

The cliff notes version of what happened: 2018

January - was told to go to the er from doc
             - he did not know what was going on with me
             - er was scary, am old lady looked like died in the waiting room
             - They gave me a full MRI and saw that I needed surgery.
             - sent me to Charlotte SC
             - Called daddy that night and told him to get to me
             - He arrived the next day; also Carla and Gabe
             - took part of the disk; 8-hour surgery
             - Lost feelings of legs, Cousin arrived
             - Days, Days later moved the right toe
             - Another surgery: Full disk and two bars
             - Released to rehab - Roger C Peace.

February - Roger C Peace Two months.
                - Got the Left Bar removed
                - Was sent to the HOME - there was a rehab - stayed 2 weeks and some.

March - Came home, got dropped, LOTS OF PAIN, Did PT and OT (OT was not needed)
            - Legs started to get so spastic
            - Visited the doc lots of times
            - Came back with the Plan to get Baclofen pump

September - PMH Injection

November - Baclofen pump
                  - Rehab for seven day

December - Came home on the 5th

- Am able to move the right Leg but the left is dead. On the right leg, my knees are so weak. I needed to put on boots to fix the 90s degree on the feet. My Left is like 180. My Right is like 100.
- I am able to stand; when I am on the bars.
- I need a new wheelchair; this wheelchair now just has a plate.

GOALS FOR THE NEW YEAR

1. Stand
2. Take a trip
3. Save money
4. Play more video games
5. Write more letters

On this day

...........So now are doing like a 24 hour thingy. Your going to see how boring my day is.

What Time is it?

 -AM-

7:50 - Rolled out of bed and made G, make me tea. He also moved the cat from my office

8:59 - I went to break early and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

10:50 - Remembered and I had my journal and began taking the time.

11:01 - thinking about lunch, this call is taking to freaken long.

11:03 - should I let them go, so they can get their information.

11:15 - finally going to lunch, I can't wait.

11:17 - Lunch!

11:41 - there goes my tummy, grrrrr….

12:13 - going back

12:20 - back in

1:16 - Duh moment.

1:37 - Rude Much, Dude.

2:51 - Blah….

3:02 - Ran out of Tea.

3:47 - It died and I rolled

3:50 - Got VTO!!! (I think cause I was doing so well)

4:15 - Should I wash dishes?

4:41 - Watching YouTube

4:45 - still at it

5:09 - I don’t know if the dog threw up or pooped in my room….I am pissed.

5:10 - cleaning it up now.

6:02 - spoke with BarkBox

6:15 - we got a new toy and a new treat

6:35 - Magicarp game

6:59 - Sleepy

7:06 - Chinese food

9:48 - Woke up from a nap

10:06 - Gabe thinks he knows me

11:35 - Should be going to bed

12:22 - Not Asleep

1:20 - 1:30 - Going to bed and Sleeping.

-PM-